blurghhhhh

I promise I will kill that "artistic" neuron

I see optimism through my pessimistic sight.
In the darkness every glimmer of light
flickers.
First with hope,
then serenity.

This long night gave me
tired,
somber eyes,
I find refuge here in what became part of me,
but forever I use them to seek the
glaring corona of light.

Thankfully no one read this thing, ever.

Lost and found

Listening to: Don Mclean - Vincent

I'm feeling sad, perhaps it's because I'm tired; but I don't need a reason for the emotion.
I need everything and nothing, perhaps nothing will fill the void.

Even though this should be a negative feeling,
I'm savoring it like a cup of black coffee.

Don't know what to do...

Was listening to: For Reason's Unknown - The Killers

A secret:
I feel guilty for being comfortable listening to "pop" indie bands instead of going out to discover the secret band that would reveal the meaning of life to me.

Perhaps I'm getting old, once struggled to adapt and now comfortable with the same environment, and new things become too much of an effort to embrace and understand. A quote I believe was from the H2G2, I can't remenber the exact phrasing but it goes something like this:

when we grow up, we perceive things around us as the norm as we try to fit into it, and then as we get older, we tend to reject those "new things" as they deviate from our norm, which we tend to react with hostility and rejection.

I will download a strange unknown album tonight, and go to the restaurant I was meaning to go to for ages.

must kill this "think of a blog title" habit.

Was listening to - Kruger & Dorfmeister - Definition

I woke up with a unexplained cut on my left arm. Not deep, but enough to trigger a slight inflammation and itch like a cat's scratch.

That has nothing to do with the rest of the post.

I suppose you will get less hurt to by drowning yourself in anger and hedonism.

I don't think I'm judging, because I'm no better. I was once upon a time, but I've learnt to be more impartial.

I believe everyone has a trait, a way they interpret evens happening around them, I think it is called cognition. I for example tend to go towards the pessimistic side and occationally optimistic, a way to protect myself against unexpected disappointment/psychological stress, It's something both innate and learnt, like a mask we created for ourself fused upon us to be part of our identity, it's our harden side.

I wish I can face the adversaries in life bravely, instead of having to resort to these measures. Because in the end, by shutting ourselves off, we no longer feel, and with apathy, no human deprived of the most basic need can survive.

I'm glad I got my rant out in a blog that no one reads :D

The Light Before We Land

Just learnt recently from a booklet @ student health service that:
BOREDOM CAN CAUSE STRESS?!

wow, no wonder I feel so run down for doing nothing.

Work is eating away my life almost as bad as WoW... :(

In cases such as these I'd like a hand
Don't wake me up without a master plan
With sight and sound becoming fragile
Don't you understand?
When things that once were beautiful
Are bland

And when I feel like I can feel once again
Let me stay awhile
Soak it in awhile
If we can hold on we can fix what is wrong
Buy a little time
For this head of mine
Haven for us

In truth there is no better place to be
Than falling out of darkness still to see

Without a premonition
Could you tell me where we stand?
I'd hate to lose this light
Before we land

And when I feel like I can feel once again
Let me stay awhile
Soak it in awhile
If we can hold on we can fix what is wrong
Buy a little time
For this head of mine
Haven for us

Before we let euphoria
Convince us we are free
Remind us how we used to feel
Before when life was real

And when I feel like I can feel once again
Let me stay awhile
Soak it in awhile
If we can hold on we can fix what is wrong
Buy a little time
For this head of mine
Haven for us

Desiderata

Radio was playing - Emma Bunton - What took you so long?

I'm suspecting that mountain down south is melting away rapidly, because today's weather reminds me of the winter. Yes winter, which I can't seem to remenber much of. I blame not on the bad memories but simply due to lack of living in general.

Anyway, the song brought back feelings of years ago, also conversation tonight with family friends helped as well. I haven't seen them for a few months now, it's good to see them.

Perhaps I've been living by myself for too long, but it brings me to the thought that: why do I get comfort out of something so fragile that is human relationship, although it is capable of achieving greatness but at the same time can fall apart for no good reason?

Meh, I'm not making much sense so I will just go through some events that I consider relevant, so at least when I come back, I will have some idea what I was ranting about:

Michelle's coworker/friend snapped at her for no good reason other than general frustration.
An online friend's experience with someone he trusted greatly.
My own experience with someone known online.

Just a few thoughts here left for me to think about.

I supose in the end, we will need the courage to keep going and still be open to others no matter what.

Give me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change, courage the things I can and wisdom to guide my way.

satisfaction of nothing

I'm still surprised at how well I've done the exam my mind is still a bit hazy, and that sense of imminent doom still lingers. Maybe it's just me being tired.

Please, just give me one day to have an exucse not to think about anything, then hopefully, I can perform again.